- Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
- Johnny Carson on Funny
- Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.
- Colin Quinn on Funny
- Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken on Funny
- Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
- Adam Carolla on Funny
- Memories are doing funny things to us.
- Milos Forman on Funny
- Memory is funny. Once you hit a vein the problem is not how to remember but how to control the flow.
- Tobias Wolff on Funny
- Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
- Men are only as loyal as their options.
- Bill Maher on Funny
- Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
- Jerry Seinfeld on Funny
- Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
- Lenny Bruce on Funny
- Mmmm... the comedy that matters is the comedy you pull out of thin air. It's a bit like when something funny has happened and you try to explain it to someone else and end up saying, 'You had to be there.'
- Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
- Henry A. Kissinger on Funny
- Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
- Bill Vaughan on Funny
- Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.
- Ellen DeGeneres on Funny
- Most of my ideas just come out funny.
- Tim Heidecker on Funny
- Most of the gaffes I've made have not been funny - they've been stupid.
- Jim Lehrer on Funny
- Movies don't look hard, but figuring it out, getting the shape of it, getting everybody's character right and having it be funny, make sense and be romantic, it's creating a puzzle. Yes, having been a writer for so long, I have an awareness of when things are going awry, but it doesn't mean I know how to fix them.
- Nancy Meyers on Funny
- Movies these days have made killers into funny people. What's that all about? I've got kids and family and friends, and I don't like bad things. I don't think they're funny, and it's irresponsible to make movies that don't show you how that's not good.
- Billy Bob Thornton on Funny
- Music is more difficult - try naming a political band. The Dead Kennedys. The Dead Kennedys are political, but they are more funny than they are political.
- Thom Yorke on Funny
- My dad loved to laugh. He was very funny and very silly.
- Mike Myers on Funny
- My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
- Billy Connolly on Funny
- My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
- Mitch Hedberg on Funny
- My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
- Spike Milligan on Funny
- My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration.
- Mike Myers on Funny
- My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
- Jay London on Funny
- My grandchildren are fabulous and funny.
- Erica Jong on Funny
- My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres on Funny
- My hair has never been my greatest feature, so that was funny enough unto itself that my hair became so focused on.
- Jennifer Aniston on Funny
- My job is mostly to entertain and be funny.
- Rosie O'Donnell on Funny
- My life needs editing.
- My little dog, he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.
- My main point is to be funny if I can slip a message in there, fine.
- Flip Wilson on Funny
- My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
- Winston Churchill on Funny
- My mother was a terrific force in my life. Wartime-generation woman, hadn't gone to university but should have done. Was very funny, very verbal, very clever, very witty.
- Ian Hislop on Funny
- My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.
- Angie Dickinson on Funny
- My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
- Woody Allen on Funny
- My parents are both very funny but they're also relatively soft-spoken, normal human beings while I'm just a lunatic. I don't know where this loud, ballsy, hammy ridiculousness came from. I'm just glad I followed my goals and my parents did too. It's not like we even had a plan when I dragged my mom to Los Angeles.
- Emma Stone on Funny
- My parents are very funny when they have to deal with anything racy or off-color. They usually pretend they don't speak English.
- Margaret Cho on Funny
- My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.
- My size has helped make me an amazing performer too. The cliche of the Funny Fat Friend: I absolutely was that character - I am that character... It's a complicated bag of tools I acquired, and I've put them all to work onstage.
- Beth Ditto on Funny
- My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
- Mike Myers on Funny
- My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
- Margaret Smith on Funny
- My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante on Funny
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