"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."
Lana Turner on Funny"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."
Ron White on Funny"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Bill Cosby on Funny"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
Jim Carrey on Funny"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
Elbert Hubbard on Funny"I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out."
"My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality."
"I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights."
"It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes."
"I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger."