Food, glorious food

Food has replaced sex in the Big Brother house at least temporarily after the contestants failed to ration their munchies and have run out of stuff to

09:50 10 June 2005

Food has replaced sex in the Big Brother house at least temporarily after the contestants failed to ration their munchies and have run out of stuff to eat.

With Lesley threatening to eat her toothpaste, Kemal offering anyone a lick of his flavoured condoms and Vanessa eating her lip balm, things are getting pretty desperate.

And with tempers becoming seriously frayed, it took little more than one small grape to prompt an argument that had Science and Makosi at loggerheads.

The Zimbabwean-born nurse accused the rapper of munching one of Kemal's grapes that were reserved for him as a haemorrhoid victim.

Science was unimpressed, shouting: "You ain't making no point over a frigging s***** grape." Makosi kept ranting, however, prompting old man Derek to intervene.

"It's one f****** grape for God's sake, forget it. Finish Science, finish!" he shrieked.

The speechwriter's true colours were soon revealed, however, when he was spotted scoffing cornflakes while the others had gone to bed.

"Dry cornflakes. Good with or without milk," he sighed, somewhat cryptically.

When he returned to the lounge to see Roberto, Derek even had the nerve to bitch about the other housemates' quest for food.

"The people over there who say they're not interested in food have been prancing up and down, opening cupboards, as many cupboards as they possibly can," he said.

Roberto knew exactly what he was talking about, having earlier fallen out with Maxwell in spectacular fashion over who would get to eat Lesley's leftovers.

Max wanted to scoff them himself, but the Italian stallion decreed they should be saved for later - and poured the food over the cheeky Cockney just to prove his point.