"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."
Lana Turner on Funny"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."
Ron White on Funny"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Bill Cosby on Funny"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
Jim Carrey on Funny"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
Elbert Hubbard on Funny"I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone."
"(On seeing a former lover for the first time in years) I thought I told you to wait in the car."
"I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education."
"Television could perform a great service in mass education, but there's no indication its sponsors have anything like this on their minds."
"Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time."