"I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'"
"When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life now that I am old I know that it is."
Oscar Wilde on Money"A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money."
John Ruskin on Money"Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants."
Benjamin Franklin on Money"The lack of money is the root of all evil."
Mark Twain on Money"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it."
Mark Twain on Money"How young can you die of old age?"
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."