"I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."
Lana Turner on Funny"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."
Ron White on Funny"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Bill Cosby on Funny"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
Jim Carrey on Funny"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
Elbert Hubbard on Funny"College atheletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil."
"Being a mother is hard and it wasn't a subject I ever studied."
"I have to keep reminding myself that I am their mother. Sometimes we are sitting at home and I feel like we are waiting for our mom to come home."