"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
"Be thankful for what you have you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."
Oprah Winfrey on Thanksgiving"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
Jon Stewart on Thanksgiving"The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest."
William Blake on Thanksgiving"Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse."
Henry Van Dyke on Thanksgiving"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."
Erma Bombeck on Thanksgiving"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
"Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves."
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."
"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."