Famous Quotes

"I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name."

Paula Poundstone on Funny

More quotes about Funny

• "A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."

  Lana Turner on Funny

• "I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

  Ron White on Funny

• "A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."

  Bill Cosby on Funny

• "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

  Jim Carrey on Funny

• "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

  Elbert Hubbard on Funny

More quotes by Paula Poundstone

• "The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."

• "I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings."

• "I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe."

• "I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family."

• "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"