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Famous Quotes

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"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."

Mitch Hedberg on Funny

More quotes about Funny

  • "A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."

    Lana Turner on Funny

  • "I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

    Ron White on Funny

  • "A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."

    Bill Cosby on Funny

  • "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

    Jim Carrey on Funny

  • "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

    Elbert Hubbard on Funny

More quotes by Mitch Hedberg

  • "Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

  • "I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake."

  • "I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

  • "I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."

  • "Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"

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