"I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator."
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
Michael Jordan on Sports"It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
Mark Twain on Sports"Golf is a good walk spoiled."
Mark Twain on Sports"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
Hunter S. Thompson on Sports"Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after."
Henry David Thoreau on Sports"The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone."
"If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure."
"I had a sense of who I was before I got famous."
"I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do."
"That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard."