Famous Quotes

"I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me."

Elayne Boosler on Funny

More quotes about Funny

• "A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."

  Lana Turner on Funny

• "I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

  Ron White on Funny

• "A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."

  Bill Cosby on Funny

• "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

  Jim Carrey on Funny

• "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

  Elbert Hubbard on Funny

More quotes by Elayne Boosler

• "I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone."

• "I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'"

• "I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'"

• "I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food."

• "I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."