"The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."
Lana Turner on Funny"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."
Ron White on Funny"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Bill Cosby on Funny"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
Jim Carrey on Funny"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
Elbert Hubbard on Funny"Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct."
"Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish."
"You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't."
"I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side?"
"I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me."