Famous Quotes

"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."

Demetri Martin on Christmas

More quotes about Christmas

• "Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas."

  Calvin Coolidge on Christmas

• "He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree."

  Roy L. Smith on Christmas

• "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

  George Carlin on Christmas

• "Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store."

  Dr. Seuss on Christmas

• "A good conscience is a continual Christmas."

  Benjamin Franklin on Christmas

More quotes by Demetri Martin

• "I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'"

• "I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.'"

• "I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."

• "People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy."

• "I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'"