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Famous Quotes

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"I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar."

Demetri Martin on Women

More quotes about Women

  • "A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."

    Eleanor Roosevelt on Women

  • "I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot."

    Marilyn Monroe on Women

  • "Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."

    Friedrich Nietzsche on Women

  • "The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."

    Ralph Waldo Emerson on Women

  • "As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot."

    John Lennon on Women

More quotes by Demetri Martin

  • "I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'"

  • "I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.'"

  • "I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."

  • "People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy."

  • "I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'"

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