Famous Quotes

"I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives."

Billy Connolly on Funny

More quotes about Funny

• "A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."

  Lana Turner on Funny

• "I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

  Ron White on Funny

• "A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."

  Bill Cosby on Funny

• "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

  Jim Carrey on Funny

• "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

  Elbert Hubbard on Funny

More quotes by Billy Connolly

• "Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on."

• "Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day."

• "My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger."

• "I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be."

• "Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit."